True Self vs. False Self - by Johan Obbes

Many neurologists, philosophers, and everyday people propose that we each have a self. There has been rich and raucous debate across centuries and cultures about what that is.

In various religions we find quite a discussion on the concept of the True Self versus the False Self, yet many of us hear these terminologies but don’t fully comprehend that it is not something that is exclusive to religious settings but also something which we use in Psychology & Counselling and an awareness development (both in ourselves and our clients) which can be very useful in our therapy rooms.

Lao Tzu, in his Tao Te Ching, says "Knowing others is wisdom. Knowing the self is enlightenment. Mastering others requires force. Mastering the self requires strength”.

The question then presents itself; what is the True Self and what is the False Self?

The philosophy around the two was probably made known by Donald Woods Winnicott (7 April 1896–28 January 1971), an English pediatrician and psychoanalyst who was especially influential in the field of object relations theory. “We were taught in this society - as in any codependent culture - to look outside to define ourselves and give us a feeling of worth.  We have worth if we are better than others.  We are validated in comparison to others, for being: smarter than, richer than, prettier than, more talented than, having better grades than, etc., etc.  This empowers the illusion of separation and feeds the fear of not being good enough. “

The False Self, refers to certain types of false personalities that develop as the result of early and repeated environmental failure, with the result that the true self-potential is not realized, but hidden. This idea appears in many papers and is fully presented in "The theory of infant-parent relationship" (Winnicott, 1965).

The False Self many a times are then strengthened by the repetitive messages which we receive from our cultures, families, religions or other environments where the messages of “to be good enough you have to conform to XYZ” sometimes swim around us like piranhas in the Amazon.

When repeated traumas occur very early in development, the infant experiences extreme dread or primitive agony, and psychosis may result. To such a parent, who fails to meet the infant's gesture and substitutes one of their own, the older and more integrated infant responds in a compliant fashion. In this way the infant may develop a false self that builds up a set of relationships based on compliance or even imitation, the potential true self being unrealized and hidden.

If our early-childhood nurturing is enough, we seem to automatically develop a personality subself which acts like a naturally-talented orchestra leader, athletic coach, or chairperson. This subself has clear, realistic wide-angle, long-range vision. S/He consistently makes healthy, balanced minor and major decisions based on the dynamic input of our basic senses.

In this best case, our complex evolving network of neural computers is directed and coordinated each moment by this highly-skilled true Self (capital S). When that happens, children and adults report feeling a mix of grounded, calm, purposeful, focused, optimistic, strong, up, content, alert, aware, alive, resilient, centered, resilient, secure, potent, and compassionate. Remember the last time you felt a blend of these?

Enter the (Protective) False (Pseudo) Self

But... if very young children experience significant lack of holistic nurturing their personalities (brains) seem to develop a different kind of self (small s). Their true Self seems or blocked from developing and directing their actions by other well-meaning but limited, impulsive and personality subselves who want to run the show.

False-self formation and dominance is normal, widespread, and promotes survival vs. growth. It's like a distrustful, disgruntled violinist, tuba player, and lead tenor pushing their talented conductor off the podium and fighting over who will lead the orchestra.

We tend to think that we are the same person we were five years ago. Though we have changed in many respects, the same person appears present as was present then. We might start thinking about which features can be changed without changing the underlying self. Some philosophers and psychologists denies that there is a distinction between the various features of a person and the mysterious self that supposedly bears those features. When we start introspecting, we are never intimately conscious of anything but a particular perception; man is a bundle or collection of different perceptions which succeed one another with an inconceivable rapidity and are in perpetual flux and movement.

In conclusion I think that this a topic which can be processed over and over in our minds, speculated about and researched in more depth. The journey will eventually then lead us to the point of how deep does the rabbit hole go? Personally I think that as with all personal growth journeys the first point will be the awareness. Becoming aware of a false self in us, will help us in the search for that ever elusive True Self.

Article Written by Johan Obbes