Transactional Analysis - by Johan Obbes

Transactional analysis, or more commonly known as TA, is an integrative approach to the theory of psychology and psychotherapy. Originally TA was developed by Canadian-born US psychiatrist, Eric Berne during the late 1950s but it became more famous with his book Games People Play in 1964. TA have always been seen as a down to earth and effective approach as it is integrative using elements of psychoanalytic, humanist and cognitive approaches which makes it easy to use not just for the therapist, but also for the client who needs a practical tool to take home and personally implement in their lives. In the Philippi Trust training material, TA is found in most of our courses and has proved its worth over and over again by giving students more insight into their own uncomfortable reactions to other people’s behaviour. It is also a technique which is used quite often in relationship or couples counselling.

Many people have wondered what goes on inside their personalities that they can think, feel and act so differently in differing situations? The question is often asked...what makes people tick? Transactional Analysis proposes an apparently simple explanation of why we behave as we do. Eric Berne suggested just as the human body has physical organs each with special functions, we could imagine that each personality also had ‘psychic organs’ which were the source of feelings, thoughts and behaviour. He called these EGO STATES and named them the PARENT, the ADULT and the CHILD. To represent this there is a simple three circle diagram. The three ego states has nothing to do with real life age, or life developmental stages. It is purely an emotional state which we have learned through years of repetition as the way to respond to our emotional needs.

A little child is primarily concerned with his own needs, wants and feelings, and behaves in a way aimed at expressing them and having them satisfied. Whether he likes it or not, each person retains within himself the child he once was. And so one part of our personality is called Child. When a grown-up feels like dancing for joy, bursts into tears, stamps angrily out of a meeting, manipulates others to get their own way, drives recklessly or feels sorry for themselves because they are ill, then that grown-up person is in their Child ego state.

When an infant is totally dependent on her parents, the only part of her personality available to her is her Child, but very soon that little girl will begin to take a share in looking after herself. Listen to a toddler playing. Watch her as she approaches the heater and says, “Don’t touch! Too hot!” , then looks up for her mother’s approval, or when she tries to force a biscuit in her dolls mouth and says, “Be a good girl and eat it all up”. That little girl’s Parent ego state is developing.

The Parent ego state is that part of us that looks after the Child within us and the Child within others. Gradually during childhood and adolescence a person’s natural parents hand over their role to the growing person until they become independent – able to “parent” themselves and others.

To make it easier to observe which behaviours fit into each ego state, the Parent and Child ego states are sometimes diagrammed as sub-divided. The divisions of the Parent are the NURTURING PARENT, and the CRITICAL (Controlling) PARENT.

Just as a good parent gives his child lots of loving care and attention, sets standards and boundaries on behaviour for the child’s safety (social as well as physical) and reprimands the child when they break the rules, so when the child grows up, their Parent ego state continues to function in this way for them and for others. When a man puts a loving arm around the shoulders of a colleague who has received bad news, when a student draws up a protest petition against unfair treatment towards a fellow student, when a women criticizes a neighbour for her dog’s behaviour, when someone is so scared of losing their authority that they defensively rejects everything which new committee members suggest, then these people are acting from their Parent ego state and looking after themselves or others. Unfortunately, when a person’s Parent is looking after the interests of their internal Child without trying at the same time to consider the interests of the Child ego states of others, the Parent often acts unwisely, unnecessarily over-indulging or hurting himself and others.

The third ego state is called the Adult. A little child can think things through for themselves, but because they don’t have much experience of life and cannot cope adequately with conceptual thinking, they will often arrive at a conclusion no adult would. The part of the personality that can handle ideas, come to conclusions, weigh up facts, act on decisions assess probabilities, compute, compile – the part which can think rationally and objectively in the here and now, is called the Adult. In many ways it can be a misleading term because in everyday life we use the word adult to mean mature or grown-up whereas, in Transactional Analysis, Adult used to denote the ego state does not have that exact meaning.

If we know all the facts and think them through objectively in a situation, then we are using the Adult ego state. So, when a boy counts his pocket money to see if he can afford a new rugby ball and reckons he will have to do some more chores around the house to earn money to have the right amount for the ball, he is using his Adult ego state.

There are two main styles of behaviour shown by the Child ego state, and these are labelled NATURAL CHILD and ADAPTED CHILD. When a person is in Natural Child, he or she reacts spontaneously and freely expresses whatever is being felt, whether that is fear, sorrow, joy, anger or whichever emotion appropriately fits that situation. Most of us are trained from early childhood, by example and by advice to keep our emotions under control – to put a face on things, not to let people see how we are really feeling. When we do this, we behave in a manner adapted to suit what we imagine other people’s expectations are. This is called being in the Adapted Child. If someone says something which offends us, instead of being open and expressing how we feel and finding out why they said what they did, we withdraw to lick our wounds in private and end up with resentment towards that person, which can destroy the relationship far more than the original statement.

We keep quiet and deny others the benefit of our contribution, because we think that we might make a fool of ourselves if we speak out in a group. Adapted Child behaviour tends to be the opposite of the child-like faith that takes risks and makes new and exciting discoveries.

A mature and well-balanced personality is able to feel, think and act appropriately in a situation, whether it calls for her being in the Child, Parent or Adult ego state(s). No one ego state is more the real person than any other. Each person needs all ego states ready and able to function. Our energy flows freely amongst them all, and we can choose to use them separately or together.

In ethical decision-making for instance, all three ego states are used. The Adult gathers all the facts available. The facts include the needs and feeling of the Child as the result of life’s experiences, together with all the information which the Parent has stored  from past teaching of parents and other authority figures. These are considered alongside estimations of probable outcomes of several possible ways of behaving, and only then is the decision made about what is the truly loving thing to do in the given situation. A reaction based solely on what an individual wants (Child) or on what they think they ought to do because this is what they were taught to do (Parent) can be an irresponsible way of handling a situation.

The healing part lies in us slowing down in moments where we can analyze past reactions, and think through the consequences which it produced for us. Analysing patterns in our way of reacting to situations or people. A knowledge of the theory about ego states provides a tool for more successful handling of relationships. It can help us diagnose how we are coming across to others and how they are reacting to us. It can help us understand why we sometimes behave as we do.  If the terms PARENT , ADULT and CHILD as used in Transactional Analyses become part of the shared language of a couple or a group, then the theory can help them towards more satisfactory ways of relating to each other.

Old destructive patterns of relating and behaving can be changed as awareness of them emerges.

Written and compiled by Johan Obbes

Reference: A tool for Christians; Jean C. Morrison; 1993

Mastering one's own emotions - by Anna Moore

For the first two years of our marriage, my husband and I dealt with anger by having vicious arguments. Every few months, when we felt exhausted or overwhelmed or undermined, we’d scream, shout and swear. Then there was the bowl of curry  threw across the kitchen. A few hours later, we’d have calmed down, talked it through, made up, apologized – it’s typical stuff.

Eight years – and two more children – on, this has stopped. At some point, the prospect of a blow – out seemed so tedious and tiring, we’d withdraw for a few days until the issue disappeared on its own. Now the sulking period has reduced from days to hours. Life is smooth. Perhaps we’re repressing our emotions, leaving too much unsaid and setting ourselves up for something nuclear, but I prefer to think that we’ve learnt to distinguish what’s important.

Managing our moods, keeping our emotions in check and not inflicting them on the people around, is one of the most important life skills. This doesn’t mean burying our feelings. ‘Our emotions serve a purpose in that they can communicate a lack of balance in our lives,’ says Cape Town clinical psychologist Diane Mallaby. ‘It’s important to identify the role of an emotion, and recognise how it affect our thoughts and behaviour.’ Some emotions, such as sadness or anxiety, can cause immense distress if not dealt with effectively and can result in unhelpful behaviour.

‘Worry can be crippling in that it reduces our ability to put things into perspective and to deal with situations in a proactive way, sometimes resulting in avoidant behaviours,’ Mallaby says. ‘Anger, if not addressed, can reduce our social inhibitory mechanism and lead to verbal, emotional or physical outbursts.’

Four years ago, Martha Newman found herself at the mercy of her sad and negative moods. ‘I was married with two children, but I had this huge sense of worthlessness, and felt I wasting my life. I knew my moods were a response to my circumstances – I was in a job I didn’t like, we had financial stresses and I just didn’t know what to do about it.’

What Martha felt was real: she was drifting. ‘But I’d also lost sight of the good things in my life, and my responsibility for my kids’ emotional well being,’ she says. It was another 18 months before Martha left her job and began to train for something – teaching – that engages and galvanises her. And she began factoring daily exercise into her life. ‘I took responsibility for changing,’ she says, ‘instead of feeling powerless.’

Identify the cause

Though we can’t stop a mood from coming on, we can control how long it stays. The first step is to realise that we have that power. ‘Some people make a great show of “honouring their feelings”, of being a slave to them, ‘ says Fiona Harrold, life coach and author of The Seven Rules of Success (Hodder Mobius). ‘I truly believe you can change your feelings in an instant. It’s important to notice what you feel – but the moment you notice it, do something about it, don’t dwell on it. Feelings are valuable only because they allow you to ask, “why do I feel like this?” Never wallow.’ Such self-awareness, according to Cape Town psychologist Anelle Naude-Lester, is the first building block in mood control. ‘We first need to acknowledge that we are experiencing emotion and be willing to understand what it means,’ she says. ‘Then we need to identify the feeling in order to make sense of it.’

While you are caught up in a mood, there needs to be a ‘second self’, a calm, dispassionate voice in your head that’s aware of what’s happening – even if it isn’t able to stop it. ‘This “second self” is able to help you evaluate the situation. Once you’ve caught the thought, you reappraise it. You challenge the original interpretation and then reframe it,’ explains Naude-Lester. ‘Anger is the emotion we find hardest to control,’ she says. ‘It’s triggered when we feel a threat – it could be physical, or a threat to our self-esteem. So replace “He swerved in front of me – how dare he” with “Maybe he didn’t see me, and no one is hurt”. Or perhaps you felt rejected: “My friend is ignoring me – she dislikes me” could be “My friend seems very wrapped up – I wonder if anything’s wrong?” Once you have changed your internal monologue to a more rational way of thinking, you need distraction.

‘Indulging your mood – like venting your rage or allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity when you’re sad – is not a good option,’ says Johannesburg psychologist Mercy Lebakeng. ‘If you’re feeling low, try not to mope around and isolate yourself from others. Rather focus on small, manageable steps that can lift your melancholic mood.’ A simple phone call to a friend who makes you laugh or time spent in the garden can make a world of difference. Likewise, if you’re angry, resist the urge to yell. According to a study by Diane Tice, a UK psychologist specializing in mood control, shouting is one of the worst reactions, as adrenalin continues to pump through your body, prolonging the rage. Only when the mood has passed should you judge whether the ‘trigger’ is worth coming back to and sorting out.

Learn to disengage

To pull yourself out of a mood, it can help to ‘act happy’. French psychologist Dr. Israel Waynbaum found that facial expression trigger specific brain neurotransmitters, which have a direct effect on mood. Even a fake smile produces hormones that stabilize your blood pressure, improve respiration and reduce pain. But, if rationalizing yourself out of a mood, or pasting a smile on your face when you feel like screeching, is not for you, then psychologist Linda Kantor, co-director of the Cape Town Mindfulness Clinic, advocates the Buddhist practice of mindfulness: you neither indulge your unwanted mood nor challenge it. ‘Instead, once you have made sense of what you’re feeling and why, you don’t battle with your thoughts or add to them,’ she explains. ‘You stay in the moment, notice thoughts and let them pass.

‘You may recognise that you feel angry or down – but you understand that, like everything, those emotions aren’t permanent. Instead, you accept, you feel and let it go.’

This article has been taken from the Psychologies Magazine, Media24 publishers, June/July 2008, by Anna Moore