Transactional Analysis - by Johan Obbes

Transactional analysis, or more commonly known as TA, is an integrative approach to the theory of psychology and psychotherapy. Originally TA was developed by Canadian-born US psychiatrist, Eric Berne during the late 1950s but it became more famous with his book Games People Play in 1964. TA have always been seen as a down to earth and effective approach as it is integrative using elements of psychoanalytic, humanist and cognitive approaches which makes it easy to use not just for the therapist, but also for the client who needs a practical tool to take home and personally implement in their lives. In the Philippi Trust training material, TA is found in most of our courses and has proved its worth over and over again by giving students more insight into their own uncomfortable reactions to other people’s behaviour. It is also a technique which is used quite often in relationship or couples counselling.

Many people have wondered what goes on inside their personalities that they can think, feel and act so differently in differing situations? The question is often asked...what makes people tick? Transactional Analysis proposes an apparently simple explanation of why we behave as we do. Eric Berne suggested just as the human body has physical organs each with special functions, we could imagine that each personality also had ‘psychic organs’ which were the source of feelings, thoughts and behaviour. He called these EGO STATES and named them the PARENT, the ADULT and the CHILD. To represent this there is a simple three circle diagram. The three ego states has nothing to do with real life age, or life developmental stages. It is purely an emotional state which we have learned through years of repetition as the way to respond to our emotional needs.

A little child is primarily concerned with his own needs, wants and feelings, and behaves in a way aimed at expressing them and having them satisfied. Whether he likes it or not, each person retains within himself the child he once was. And so one part of our personality is called Child. When a grown-up feels like dancing for joy, bursts into tears, stamps angrily out of a meeting, manipulates others to get their own way, drives recklessly or feels sorry for themselves because they are ill, then that grown-up person is in their Child ego state.

When an infant is totally dependent on her parents, the only part of her personality available to her is her Child, but very soon that little girl will begin to take a share in looking after herself. Listen to a toddler playing. Watch her as she approaches the heater and says, “Don’t touch! Too hot!” , then looks up for her mother’s approval, or when she tries to force a biscuit in her dolls mouth and says, “Be a good girl and eat it all up”. That little girl’s Parent ego state is developing.

The Parent ego state is that part of us that looks after the Child within us and the Child within others. Gradually during childhood and adolescence a person’s natural parents hand over their role to the growing person until they become independent – able to “parent” themselves and others.

To make it easier to observe which behaviours fit into each ego state, the Parent and Child ego states are sometimes diagrammed as sub-divided. The divisions of the Parent are the NURTURING PARENT, and the CRITICAL (Controlling) PARENT.

Just as a good parent gives his child lots of loving care and attention, sets standards and boundaries on behaviour for the child’s safety (social as well as physical) and reprimands the child when they break the rules, so when the child grows up, their Parent ego state continues to function in this way for them and for others. When a man puts a loving arm around the shoulders of a colleague who has received bad news, when a student draws up a protest petition against unfair treatment towards a fellow student, when a women criticizes a neighbour for her dog’s behaviour, when someone is so scared of losing their authority that they defensively rejects everything which new committee members suggest, then these people are acting from their Parent ego state and looking after themselves or others. Unfortunately, when a person’s Parent is looking after the interests of their internal Child without trying at the same time to consider the interests of the Child ego states of others, the Parent often acts unwisely, unnecessarily over-indulging or hurting himself and others.

The third ego state is called the Adult. A little child can think things through for themselves, but because they don’t have much experience of life and cannot cope adequately with conceptual thinking, they will often arrive at a conclusion no adult would. The part of the personality that can handle ideas, come to conclusions, weigh up facts, act on decisions assess probabilities, compute, compile – the part which can think rationally and objectively in the here and now, is called the Adult. In many ways it can be a misleading term because in everyday life we use the word adult to mean mature or grown-up whereas, in Transactional Analysis, Adult used to denote the ego state does not have that exact meaning.

If we know all the facts and think them through objectively in a situation, then we are using the Adult ego state. So, when a boy counts his pocket money to see if he can afford a new rugby ball and reckons he will have to do some more chores around the house to earn money to have the right amount for the ball, he is using his Adult ego state.

There are two main styles of behaviour shown by the Child ego state, and these are labelled NATURAL CHILD and ADAPTED CHILD. When a person is in Natural Child, he or she reacts spontaneously and freely expresses whatever is being felt, whether that is fear, sorrow, joy, anger or whichever emotion appropriately fits that situation. Most of us are trained from early childhood, by example and by advice to keep our emotions under control – to put a face on things, not to let people see how we are really feeling. When we do this, we behave in a manner adapted to suit what we imagine other people’s expectations are. This is called being in the Adapted Child. If someone says something which offends us, instead of being open and expressing how we feel and finding out why they said what they did, we withdraw to lick our wounds in private and end up with resentment towards that person, which can destroy the relationship far more than the original statement.

We keep quiet and deny others the benefit of our contribution, because we think that we might make a fool of ourselves if we speak out in a group. Adapted Child behaviour tends to be the opposite of the child-like faith that takes risks and makes new and exciting discoveries.

A mature and well-balanced personality is able to feel, think and act appropriately in a situation, whether it calls for her being in the Child, Parent or Adult ego state(s). No one ego state is more the real person than any other. Each person needs all ego states ready and able to function. Our energy flows freely amongst them all, and we can choose to use them separately or together.

In ethical decision-making for instance, all three ego states are used. The Adult gathers all the facts available. The facts include the needs and feeling of the Child as the result of life’s experiences, together with all the information which the Parent has stored  from past teaching of parents and other authority figures. These are considered alongside estimations of probable outcomes of several possible ways of behaving, and only then is the decision made about what is the truly loving thing to do in the given situation. A reaction based solely on what an individual wants (Child) or on what they think they ought to do because this is what they were taught to do (Parent) can be an irresponsible way of handling a situation.

The healing part lies in us slowing down in moments where we can analyze past reactions, and think through the consequences which it produced for us. Analysing patterns in our way of reacting to situations or people. A knowledge of the theory about ego states provides a tool for more successful handling of relationships. It can help us diagnose how we are coming across to others and how they are reacting to us. It can help us understand why we sometimes behave as we do.  If the terms PARENT , ADULT and CHILD as used in Transactional Analyses become part of the shared language of a couple or a group, then the theory can help them towards more satisfactory ways of relating to each other.

Old destructive patterns of relating and behaving can be changed as awareness of them emerges.

Written and compiled by Johan Obbes

Reference: A tool for Christians; Jean C. Morrison; 1993